Well I continue to think about what I am doing here in Africa, honestly, I donít think I even know anymore and I havenít even arrived in Swaziland. I mean, seriously, this is crazy for me, but yet the best thing ever. I did have the intention of coming to work with AIDS orphans and try to connect with groups or organizations to develop an AIDS awareness program. But, honestly, I have no idea if that is what is going to be happening here. For some reason I have been feeling though that this is not just about a 3 or 6 month internship and then move on my way to my Masters. No, there is something much bigger here and I can feel that. The good part of this whole experience is that I am the type of person who always needs to know why I am doing what I am doing and who has a plan and vision set out. Well this time, I am clueless. When people ask me now days what I am doing here, I donít even tell them anything, cause I donít really know. It is quite the eye opener for me, but yet so good. I am so blessed to be here and think it is great for my mom and I. There are a number of reasons I could list as to why I think I might be here, and already I can see the huge potential and fruit in my life and the fruit that is going to come out of it. But I know there is more. So I donít really know what is going to happen but I have this gut feeling that it is not what I thought it was going to be and that it is going to be actually longer and different than what I had expected. I feel really good about that and for the first time it does not give me fear, because I feel for the first time I am beginning to see the much more grand tapestry that I am apart of in a very subtle way.

So I just have to blog about what happened today. For those of you who donít like longer blogs that share certain events rather than deep insight, you might not want to read the rest, but it is a pretty amazing story, so I will try and keep it brief.

To try and give you a little bit of context South Africa is known for what colonization did and which lasted up until about 1994, it is called apartheid. That is pretty much similar to what occurred in the states, but was a lot more aggressive. The whites controlled and dominated the blacks giving them no rights and no dignity. They made them have passbooks which was very similar to what the Naziís did to the Jews before the Holocaust. Remember, this was just 12 years ago it was still going on. So today we went to something called the District 6 museum. It is a remembrance museum for how the whites in 1960 decided they wanted the land and houses in District 6 here in Cape Town and one day moved into the city with large trucks and loaded everyone up and shipped them off to other parts of the country. It was a horrendous act of cruelty and hatred. Then after they kicked them all out they came in with bull dozers and cleared the whole entire little town, so they would be able to sell it to white people who wanted the high real estate and good view.

So today at the museum this older man in his late 60ís starts talking to us. He actually pointed out on a huge floor map where he lived and grew up. He began to tell us how he was just a child when they came in with the trucks and took everyone away. He discussed how painful and degrading it was for him and his family to experience such a thing. As he talked he finally broke free and began to share how this was the first time in his life that he has been able to come back and see all the atrocities through the memories which are recorded in the museum. Slowly, tears began to drip from his face. He came there to confront the past and to deal with the pain and hurt. As he talked he mentioned time and time again how he forgave the white man and it was time to move on, but that he still needed to work through and acknowledge what was done and bring closure to it.

The whole experience was amazing. I couldnít believe it. It was so powerful to be there for that moment and to experience God working in his life. The missionary family that we were with began to tell our new friend how they have a vision that someday God is going to redevelop District 6 and how God would heal this man if he would let Him. It was an amazing experience. So that reminded me of my last blog and the childrenís choir. Today I was able to capture and experience something of true beauty, a work of Godís hands. Just like the young Catholic boys choir had so much impact, so did this. It was because I wasnít so engaged on the big even and spectacle that I missed the very beauty that God really had for me. Just in those small moments he touches us and shows us something that we would have never expected.

So I learned how important it is to remember the past. I look at my life and there are definitely some painful things that I have been through and some hurt that I have not only gone through but also done to others. A lot of times I have not wanted to talk about them or to cover them up. You know what though, even in my relationship with Ashley, one thing she has taught me is that your past and your memories make you who you are. She always wants to find out my story and know what I have done and been through and never holds that against me, but rather comes to love and accept me for it because what I know today and who I am is because what I experienced and went through years past. They are powerful and cant be left alone, for those who abandon their history abandon their story and true self.